Is kissing before marriage a sin, okay or not wise according to the Bible?
Kissing and French kissing are very common activities between both couples who are dating and married couples. The question we will answer is, “Is kissing before marriage a sin, okay or not wise according to the Bible?”
Principles About Kissing & French Kissing
There are two important passages that will give us a biblical principle about kissing before marriage. The first passage is 2 Timothy 2:22.
Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (NASB)
This verse commands us to flee the strong lusts that occur in youth. The Greek word that is translated as “flee” is pheugo and it simply means “to avoid doing something.” The Greek word for “youthful” is neoterikos which refers to an “adolescent or young adult.”[1, 2] The Greek word for “lusts” is epithumia. This word refers to strong passions and emotions. In summary, the command “flee from youthful lusts” means that we are to avoid the very strong lusts that commonly occur at a young age. These lusts are greatest in adolescence and usually decrease with age.
This verse teaches that we are not to intentionally cause ourselves to experience the passions that are especially strong at a young age. While there are many passions that are common in youth, sexual passions are the strongest of all emotions. Therefore, unmarried couples are to avoid situations that intentionally cause sexual emotions and passions. What can incite sexual passions and emotions? The answer is touching someone of the opposite sex or daydreaming about someone of opposite sex. Matthew 5:27-28 warns us to not indulge in thinking about having sex with another person who is not our husband or wife.
This means that it is a sin for an unmarried man or woman to do anything that will cause himself or herself to be intentionally, sexually stimulated. It is also a sin to cause another person to be sexually stimulated, unless we are married to that person. When we cause someone to whom we are not married to be sexually stimulated, we can cause them to stumble. Matthew 18:7 warns us to not cause another person to stumble.
Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes! Matthew 18:7 (NASB)
If we combine all of these passages together, we learn that we sin when we do not flee sexual sins and when we cause others to become sexually stimulated if we are not married to them. Once sexually stimulated, it is common for men and women to perform some form of sexual activity in order to release the sexual tension or enjoy an orgasm. Consequently, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 warns us to get married in order to avoid immoralities.
But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NASB)
The Greek word for immoralities is porneia. This Greek word includes fornication (sex before marriage), incest, sex with animals, homosexuality, adultery and may include masturbation. The verse reveals that God only allows sexual activity between husbands and wives. Such activity within the bonds of marriage is blessed by God.
Therefore, this gives us the biblical principle that men and women are not to start the fire of sexual desire in ourselves or in someone to whom we are not married. This means a man is not to touch a woman in anyway that stirs sexual passion in his date, girlfriend or wife-to-be. The same is true for a woman.
How This Applies To Couples
Experienced couples understand that kissing is sexually stimulating. The woman feels affection and feels loved when the kissing starts. Most women enjoy a kiss and a hug. It takes them longer to be as sexually stimulated as their male partner. But the man is immediately stimulated if the kissing is more than a quick one. His sexual stimulation increases very rapidly if the couple continues kissing. He will not want to stop and his body will crave more kissing. If the couple is French kissing, his sexual stimulation will be extremely high almost instantly.
God designed kissing and French kissing to stimulate sexual passion – the more kissing, the greater the stimulation and the craving for an orgasm increases. Kissing and hugging start the foreplay. Kissing is like starting a car. French kissing puts the “car” into second gear. Other foreplay activity will put the car into a higher gear and orgasm and sexual intercourse are the climax where the “car” stops and the joyous ride is over. Therefore, it is a sin if kissing between an unmarried couple results in starting the car of sexual passion. Remember we are to “flee from youthful lusts.” An inexperienced woman may not understand she has started the “car,” but the man knows the “car” has started and will crave more and demand more. Eventually, the woman’s sexual passions will ignite. Once the fire starts, it wants to consume everything.
Is Kissing Before Marriage a Sin?
In order to flee sexual lusts and to help others to whom we are not married flee sexual lusts, it is recommended that kissing and French kissing be avoided until the wedding day when the preacher announces the groom may kiss the bride. A young woman once said, “When the kissing starts the thinking stops.” Therefore, be careful what fire you start.
What is important to you? Do you love Christ with all your heart? In Matthew 22:37 Jesus said,
And He said to him, “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.” Matthew 22:37 (NASB)
How important is your obedience to God? Since Christ has asked us to be holy and to flee sin (1 Corinthians 6:18; 2 Timothy 2:22), the question is: will you obey Christ and flee youthful lusts and help your boyfriend or girlfriend flee sin until you are married and sexual activity is no longer sin? Do you desire to be a godly man or woman?
What should you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to kiss and does not care about pleasing God? The answer is to explain that you are keeping yourself for the man or woman you will marry, you desire to be a godly man or woman or respond with one of the following (for suggestions):
– Please stop! I do not believe in kissing before marriage. Why don’t you?”
– Slow down! Let’s control our emotions.
– Please stop that!
– Excuse me! I am not interested in that.
– This is too much, too soon!
– This is not a good idea. It is a sin to get sexually stimulated before we are married.
1. Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains. United Bible Societies. 1989, vol. 2. p. 649.
2. Joseph Henry Thayer, The Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament. Christian Copyrights. 1983. p. 425.
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