Bible Question:
I know what the Bible says about divorce. I just have one question. In the state in which I reside, a married person can file for a divorce for any reason. It is called a “no contest divorce.” If for instance a Christian husband wants a divorce because he no longer loves his wife and files to the court for a divorce against the wife's wishes, the court says the wife can do nothing to stop the proceedings. The wife on the other hand is a devout Christian and does not believe in divorce. So when the divorce is granted, is the wife in sin because of the unwanted divorce? If she marries will there be sin involved? What I am trying to determine is, “Will God hold a person responsible for a divorce even if the person was totally against it?”
Bible Answer:
We trust that the following will provide guidance to the question to wives who may desire to marry again after their husband divorces them. For those who want to know what God says about divorce and remarriage, you are encouraged to read: 1) Biblical Divorce and Remarriage in the Sermon on the Mount series and 2) a section titled Divorce and Remarriage.
I Was Against My Husband’s Divorce
So, what does the Bible say to wives who desire to remarry? First, in order to determine if God will bless your marriage, determine if remarriage will result in adultery. Determine if you can remarry your ex-spouse. Also read “Can you marry a divorced person?”
Next, a woman needs to either review or learn some important biblical truth about how to have an enjoyable and happy marriage. A happy marriage does not happen automatically. Continuous conflict in marriage occurs due to an absence of humility.
The book of Proverbs gives us insight into how a wife can drive her husband away and also how to keep a husband. God has revealed His design for marriage by giving us principles. Proverbs has given important truths that help a wife know how to make her husband happy or drive him away.
Notice the several major areas in which foolish wives drive husbands away. First, since Proverbs urges a husband to seek sexual satisfaction with his wife, that implies she must want to participate. Otherwise, it is impossible for him to find that fulfillment. Second, a wise wife is concerned about her beauty but not merely her external appearance (1 Peter 3:3-4). Third, Proverbs urges wives to not embarrass their husbands, for a wise wife should seek to support him. A wise wife is a good housekeeper. But the warning given to wives the most frequently in the book of Proverb is to not be contentious, to not be a nag or an irritant. Instead, Proverbs 31 urges her to be productive and hardworking. Finally, Proverbs 2:16-17 reveals some wives leave their husbands even after making a covenant of marriage. But the point is that such a wife displeases the Lord.
In addition, the book of Ephesians gives husbands and wives some important principles about how to have a happy and a God-pleasing marriage. These principles are rooted in Genesis 3 and then primarily explained in Proverbs, Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3.
Those are biblical principles for a happy and God-pleasing marriage. So, what should a woman think about if she is considering remarriage? First, when divorce occurs it is difficult to determine who is the innocent party. God tells us in the book of Malachi that the one who files for divorce is not controlled by the Holy Spirit (Malachi 2:14-16). If a married person divorces their spouse, Jesus taught that the person filing for divorce has a hard heart (Matthew 19:8-9) if their spouse had never committed adultery. Jesus taught about marriage and divorce several times.
When divorce does occur, one spouse has decided that he/she wants out of the marriage, which makes the other spouse the “innocent party.” But each one has contributed to the divorce. The old adage says that it takes two to tango, and it takes two to divorce.
In counseling it is sometimes difficult to know who is the real “innocent party.” Ultimately, it is the one who has obediently tried his/her best to follow God’s wisdom. If the one who filed for divorce remarries or starts living with someone else, the “innocent” spouse is free to remarry. The remarriage or “living with someone” constitutes adultery and this frees the other spouse to have a “biblical remarriage.” But if a person files for divorce because their spouse was guilty of adultery, then the one who files for divorce is not regarded as the offending party. That is Jesus’ point in Matthew 19:8-9. After the divorce, the offended party is free to remarry.
Jesus does not provide a list of reasons that justify divorce. If a divorce occurs for any reason that does not involve adultery, then neither party can remarry. Why did Jesus say this? The reason is simple. God wants the individuals to forgive each other and remarry. The apostle Paul gives us another reason for divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. If they remarry anyone else, then they cannot in time remarry each other again according to Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
Conclusion:
Marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship with believers. He will never leave us. He will never “divorce us.” God hates divorce. He loves us and wants us to love our husbands and our wives. It is a picture of His love for believers.
Suggested Links:
Can I marry my first husband again with God’s blessing?Does Deuteronomy 24:1-4 say a person can marry their ex-spouse again?