My partner and I engage in premarital sex. Although I know that this is sin, I find it hard to break the habit. My partner and I love each other. I have had friends tell me that I am not a serious Christian because I partake in this behavior. I do not understand because we are all sinners. I do not understand what makes this sin any worse than any other. I believe that I can still be a Christian and partake in this behavior. What is the faithful stance on this?
How about a short journey through scripture? First, we will see what God says about having sex and then we will explore your feelings.
Apparently, Christians in the church at Corinth were struggling with sex. Some had urges and others were having premarital sex and extra-marital affairs. Earlier in the book, the apostle Paul turned one of them over to Satan because he would not stop (1 Cor. 5:1-5).
. . . deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. (NASB) 1 Corinthians 5:5
Sex outside of marriage (premarital and extra-marital) and sexual urges were apparently common. Anytime a man or woman has sex outside of marriage, it is called immorality. It is called sin. So in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says this,
But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (NASB) 1 Corinthians 7:2
Paul says that if you want sex, get married. Do not sin! Then a few verses later he adds this,
But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn. (NASB) 1 Corinthians 7:9
If you want sex, get married.
Serious Christians will flee sin. The church at Corinth had serious problems when it came to sin. They were committing all kinds of sin without regret. They may have wondered why worry about sin? Sin is sin! But Paul had this serious question at the end of 2 Corinthians,
. . . I say in advance to those who have sinned in the past and to all the rest as well, that if I come again, I will not spare anyone . . . Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you–unless indeed you fail the test? (NASB) 2 Corinthians 13:2-5
Paul warns them that if they continue in sin, he will come and discipline them. Today, God disciplines us. He usually gives us time to stop our sinning; but if we do not, discipline begins (Heb. 12:4-13). The apostle Paul then challenged the Corinthians to examine themselves to see if they really were Christians.
The real issue is not which sin is worse, but if you care about the fact that God is not happy with your attitude about sin. Do you care about what God thinks? Jesus died to forgive our sins and He does not want us to be willfully committing sin.
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life. (NASB) Galatians 6:7-8
Did you know that God does not go around looking for Christians who are having fun and enjoying life so that He can “step on them” and stop them from having fun? The greatest joy comes with living a holy life before God. So confess your sins and get married, if both of you are Christians! I would encourage both of you to stop having sex, plan to get married, become accountable to your pastor, and start preparing for marriage. That is God’s counsel through the apostle Paul.