Bible Question:

My husband and I are separated, but not legally. He wants nothing to do with me. I do not feel like a married woman, nor am I being treated as one. I am still human. What should I do?

Bible Answer:

There is a previous question and response at this site which describes God’s view on marriage and divorce entitled, “Is it a sin to divorce if you profess to be a Christian?” I would encourage you to read it before going farther.

The Caution

Most souses who separate for an extended period of time eventually divorce or remain separated for life. Rarely do they come back together after an extended separation. Separations should occur only in life threatening or physical abuse situations in order to stabilize the family’s or the couple’s situation. Otherwise, divorce or permanent separation will usually follow. A period of separation should occur only with the advice and oversight of two or more godly leaders in your church. During that time the pastor and leaders of the church should be involved with the couple and the family in order to seek a solution to the problem. The goal should be to end the separation as soon as possible. God has told us that once a male and female are married, God does not want them to divorce for any reason other than immorality.

Just Nothing

If it is true that your husband does not “want to have anything to do with you,” then you should ask yourself “Why?” There is a reason for his behavior. Marital problems are very rarely one sided. It is never encouraging to be insulted, unloved or rejected, but you need to ask, “Have I done anything to motivate him?” Maybe it means just having to be quiet. God has asked us to respond to even our enemies with love. Here are His words from Romans 12,

Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “(b)VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (NASB) Romans 12:16-21

God would have you seek to restore your marriage with your husband, and pray for him. If you have been trying, then I would recommend that you follow the steps outlined in the link entitled “restoring your brother.


Yes, you are still human and God greatly loves you. I would encourage you to seek the counsel of your pastor. Please remember that God does not approve of extra-martial relationships. He calls us to holiness.