In the past 5-6 years, my husband and I have both had heart attacks. His has been disabling. We now have to move into a smaller home. We are both Christians and so is our son. I suffer from clinical depression. I know that God is watching over us, but there is a little part of me that doubts and wants to be in control. But I cannot. Are my thoughts and feelings normal for these situations? We have wonderful Christian support from family and friends. However, sometimes I feel that God is angry with me if I doubt or question Him. His love is very important to me. Can you help?
Your thoughts and emotions are normal. We want to be in control of our lives, and most Christians have trouble trusting the Lord for every situation. It is the rare Christian who has such great confidence in the Lord as not to worry about anything.
The Lord Loves Us
The most wonderful truth any man or woman can know is that God greatly loves him/her. God’s great passion is that we will love Him and be constantly seeking Him. He wants us to be seeking to know Him and love Him. A loving relationship occurs when two people love each other so much that they want to spend time together and they want to know one another. Otherwise, there will not be a relationship. God already loves us and is pursuing a relationship with us. Yes, God the Father sent Jesus to die for us, but He wants more than just our intellectual acceptance of Jesus. He wants us to want Him, to love Him, and to want to know Him as a friend seeks to know a friend. Therefore, men and women need to seek Him – to love and know Him. That is God’s great passion.
“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD . . . (NASB) Jeremiah 29:13-14
When this happens, the heart and passions of every seeking man and woman will change. Human relationships are changed, but best of all we trust Him because we realize that He really is our Friend.
Is it possible that God might be angry if you continue to doubt Him? It is more likely that God will allow some difficult situations to come into your life in order to encourage you to start trusting Him. Listen to the book of James,
But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. (NASB) James 1:6-8
God is simply saying that the man or woman who does not trust God will be unstable. Life will become an emotional ride from highs to lows. Such a man or woman will be emotionally unstable. Such a man or woman should not expect to receive anything from God, not because God is angry but because he/she is not trusting. Why should God meet our needs if we do not care for Him, respect His love for us, and believe His promise that He will meet our needs?
May I encourage you to trust Him? Start by admitting to Him that you have sinned by not trusting Him. Then thank Him for forgiving you and begin seeking to know and love Him as a friend. Seek for Him in the Word of God with all your heart. Meditate on what you read and ask God to help you see what the passage you are reading is about. Also ask God to give you a love for Him, and then thank Him for doing it.