Bible Question:

What can I do to stop all this horrible anxiety?I'm constantly worried or unhappy about something. I have a great family and a loving boyfriend. I don't know why I am so unhappy with my life. I pray about it constantly, and I do my best to follow God's word; but nothing seems to work. I'm always so insecure. I have this almost constant fear that my boyfriend is going to dump me. It's driving me nuts!!!!!!

Bible Answer:

There are a number of reasons we can be unhappy. Some are okay and understandable such as mourning over the death of a loved one. Jesus was holy and He wept because Lazarus died (John 11:35). It is good to be unhappy because we have sinned (2 Cor. 7:9-11). It is acceptable to be unhappy because others are not Christians (Rom. 9:1-4) and because of another’s sin (2 Cor. 2:1-4). But these do not seem to fit your situation, since you say that you are “constantly worried and unhappy about something,” you do not “know why,” you are in “constant fear that your boy friend is going to dump you,” and you have “horrible anxiety.”


We become anxious over many different things. We can be anxious when we feel helpless,

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (NASB) Isa. 41:10

And we can be anxious when we not are sure what to do in a difficult situation (1 Sam. 10:2; Matthew 10:19). Scripture says that anxiety is a form of fear and that it is the opposite of courage.

Say to those with anxious heart, “Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come . . . He will save you.” (NASB) Isa. 35:4

Anxiety is a common problem because we are not in control of our life. Then when we add the fear that it will not turn out like we want, we will become anxious.

Effect of Anxiety

Anxiety is like a tree. Its roots are buried in our desire to control and our fear that we cannot control that situation. Without being able to talk with you, I am left with the impression this is your situation -an anxiety that is rooted in fear. This is sin,

I am full of anxiety because of my sin. (NASB) Ps. 38:18

And that tree of anxiety has grown into something horrible,

Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down . . . (NASB) Prov. 12:25

As a result you are worried and your heart is sad; this is the effect of sin.

Sad Heart

God tells us that a broken spirit is the result of a sad heart in Proverbs,

A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken. (NASB) Prov. 15:13

Crushed Spirit

The Hebrew word for “sad” has the sense of “hurt,” “grief,” “offended,” “outraged,” and “distressed.” The Holy Spirit describes a “hurt heart.” This is a heart that is in pain and grieving over something. The Hebrew word for “broken” has the idea of “whipped out,” “flogged,” and “beaten.” What does all of this mean? God is saying that a heart that is continuing to be burdened with something like grief or anxiety results in a spirit that feels crushed or flogged.

A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones. (NASB) Prov. 17:22

In Prov. 17:22 we next discover that a crushed or flogged spirit “dries up the bones.” This Hebrew expression implies a “crushed and flogged” spirit eventually starts destroying the body. “Dry bones” is a picture of death (Ezekiel 37:1-10). The process is easy to understand. A heart that is continuing to be hurt and continues to grieve results in a crushed and flogged spirit which eventually leads to sickness.

God’s Solution

Since I am not sure exactly what sin is at the root of your anxiety, I will recommend some areas to explore.

The first question to ask is, “Am I willing to allow God to control my life?” Let me illustrate with your boyfriend. “Are you willing to allow God to take away your boy friend?” He knows what is best for you (Rom. 8:28). This appears to be an area of struggle. There are times in my life when I desperately want a situation to occur in a particular way – my way! I find that I can pray and pray and I am still filled with anxiety, fear and unhappiness. I have found that I have never found peace in my heart until I was really willing to submit to whatever God would give me.

Second, are you and your boy friend living together? If so, this is also sin, and God may be allowing this misery to come upon you until you are willing to leave him. Maybe this will help,

For my iniquities are gone over my head; As a heavy burden they weigh too much for me. My wounds grow foul and fester . . . I go mourning all day long. For my loins are filled with burning . . . I am benumbed and badly crushed; I groan because of the agitation of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before Thee; And my sighing is not hidden from Thee. My heart throbs . . . (NASB) Ps. 38:4-10

Does this sound like your situation? If so, stop living together and do not have sex until marriage. Is your boy friend a Christian? If not, stop seeing him and ask God for a Christian boy friend.


God has a solution to your situation.

. . .casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. (NASB) 1 Peter 5:7

Yield to Him! He knows what is best for you. If necessary, let Him take away your boy friend and find you another one. Following God is healing for you . . .