My problem is that I have asked for the Holy Spirit into my life. I have yet to see the fruit of the Spirit be active in my life, such as peace and joy. I find myself behaving in ways that are totally the opposite to that of a Christian. I am beginning to think that although God loves me, I may just not be on the list. I just cannot get my act together. I am willing for my desires to be changed because there are some things I am doing which I know are not Godly, but I cannot stop myself. I have a a yo-yo Christianity. Things have to change. Am I under a curse maybe? I just want some peace and joy.
The answer to your questions for a solution to yo-yo Christianity is that you are on a path to becoming the person God wants you to be. The very questions you are asking indicate that you may be a Christian. May I suggest that you start by making sure. You can do this by reading the various materials at the following link: “The Evidence You Are A Christian Is.”
Desires of a Christian
The Holy Spirit tells us in 1 Corinthians 12 that a real Christian wants to obey the Lord.
Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus is accursed”; and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit. (NASB) 1 Corinthians 12:3
Your comment that “I am willing for my desires to be changed . . .” implies that you are submitting to Jesus. Jesus is Lord of your life. So that is a great start. You have started well and you are on a good spiritual path.
It is wonderful to hear that you see your “yo-yo Christianity.” Christians who honestly look at themselves will see that they are really sinners. They will see that they sin and sin and sin. We will see that some days are better than others if we really have the desire to fulfill God’s wish in the following verse.
. . . but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.” (NASB) 1 Peter 1:15-16
A sincere Christian will want to be holy just like God. So how do we change our sinful pattern? The answer is to “be filled with the Holy Spirit” or to “walk in the Spirit.” As we walk we discover that the Holy Spirit will give us victory over certain sins faster than others. Each time you commit a sin confess it to God as a sin (1 John 1:9). Name it! Tell Him exactly what you did and then ask Him to have the Holy Spirit take control of your life. As the months pass you will discover that the sins will start disappearing. Focus on one sin at a time and not all of them at once. Otherwise, you will go crazy. As God gives you victory over old sins, He will bring new ones to your attention. Yes, you are under a curse. You are under the curse of sin. Paul made the following comment in Romans,
When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. (NLT) Romans 7:19-21
The Apostle Paul was simply saying that it was the sin nature within him that was causing him to sin. That means that we are in a war with his old nature – the flesh (Gal. 5:16-17). But the victory is found by constantly walking in the Spirit or being filled with the Holy Spirit.
May I suggest that you start by making sure that you are a Christian. Use the page “Searching For God” for guidance. Then start walking in the Spirit. May the Lord bless you.