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        3rd Biblical Principle. The second principle that God gives us to determine if we should become pastors is the opinion of others. Here is a question that you could ask, “Do others honestly believe that I qualify to be a good pastor or a missionary?” God wants a pastor or missionary to have certain character traits. He has given us a list of these character traits in 1 Timothy 3. There is another list in Titus 1.
 
  An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. (NASB) 1 Timothy 3:2-7
 
I would encourage you to read a previous question and answer because it explains the meaning of each of these words and phrases. You could start by doing a self-evaluation. I would also encourage you to meet with a pastor and ask him how you measure up. Anyone who believes that God wants him to be a pastor or missionary will meet at least these basic qualifications. Your pastor should be able to help give you some guidance.
 
Conclusion:  I am concerned about the events you have experienced. It is possible that some demons are attempting to deceive you. Your circumstances are very unusual. I would encourage you to meet with a pastor and ask for some one-on-one help. May the peace, grace, and love of the Lord Jesus be with you.
     
 
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