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Should We Tell Others? When should
a person's sin become public knowledge? Jesus answers this question
in Matthew 18. He tells us that if we see someone commit a serious
sin (adultery, stealing, murder, etc.) or repeatedly commit a sin,
then we must go to that person in private and encourage him/her to
stop. If the person does not stop, then we are to start including
others.
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If
your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if
he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does
not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY
THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and
if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you
as a Gentile and a tax collector. (NASB) Matt. 18:15-17 |
If the person continues in sin, we are to eventually include more
people in an attempt to make him/her stop. God is concerned with "protecting
our privacy" but not when we continue in sin. In 1 Corinthians
we discover an example of where a man was having sex with his mother
and the church did nothing. At that point the apostle Paul rebuked
them publicly.
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It
is actually reported that there is immorality among you . .
. that someone has his father's wife. You have become arrogant
and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this
deed would be removed from your midst. For I, on my part, though
absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him
who has so committed this, as though I were present . . . REMOVE
THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES. (NASB) 1 Cor. 5:1-3, 13 |
The principle of public disclosure even applies to leaders who continue
in sin.
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Do
not receive an accusation against an elder except on the basis
of two or three witnesses. Those who continue in sin, rebuke
in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful
of sinning. (NASB) 1 Tim. 5:19-20 |
What is our conclusion? The New Testament teaches us that your friend's
sin should not become public information since she did not continue.
She did not need to tell her pastor.
Practical
Considerations. Fear of violence is not a biblical reason for
keeping it from her husband. If we assume that her husband will become
violent if and when he finds out that she has committed adultery,
then we need to ask, "Will his anger be greater if he finds out
from someone else?" Are we sure that he will never find out?
It is better for her to tell him. In order to protect herself, she
could include her pastor at the time she tells him. The pastor will
then be a witness and a protection. He could also talk to her husband
about follow-up counseling sessions. The pastor's presence should
help the husband control his anger.
Conclusion: When
a person commits adultery, he/she has sinned against God, against
their own body, against his/her spouse and against the one with whom
the adultery was committed. Confession or admission of sin needs to
include everyone involved. Only then can peace occur in the heart.
There will always be some pain. We cannot erase our memories. I would
encourage anyone in this situation to spend many hours in prayer and
in reading the Bible. God will comfort us as we spend time with Him.
We need to pray for anyone who is involved and ask for wisdom for
the pastor. May God bless and comfort you. |
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