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Bible Question: A
very close friend of mine who is active in the church did something
really stupid! She was blackmailed into having a sexual relationship
with a man for whom she worked. This only happened once but left her
devastated. After a few months of this weighing on her, she confessed
to the man's wife. She discovered that the man had already told his
wife what he had done and put the blame on her. She spoke to her pastor
and confessed had happened. Now she does not know if she should tell
her husband. He was in prison when this happened. One pastor told
her that as long as she had confessed it to God and the man's wife
she did not need to admit it to her husband. Another pastor told her
that although she confessed it to God, she needs to confess it to
her husband before forgiveness is complete. Her husband is capable
of extreme violence. He is also active in the church. What advice
would you give? She is desperate and racked with guilt.
Bible Answer: There
are several things we want to consider. First, why is the guilt over
sexual sins so difficult to deal with? Second, if we have committed
adultery should we tell our spouses? Third, should we tell others
too? Fourth, what are some practical considerations?
Sexual Sins Cause Great Guilt.
Any
sin can be difficult for a man or woman to deal with. It depends on
the person and his/her sensitivity to God. But God has told us that
there is one sin among them all that is against our body. It is called
sexual sin.
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Flee
immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the
body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you
not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
(NASB) 1 Cor. 6:18-19 |
Sexual
sins include premarital sex, adultery, pornography, masturbation,
bestiality, and homosexuality. God warned us in 1 Corinthians that
sexual sin is both psychologically and physically damaging, but this
truth is being rejected today because sex is wonderful for it "feels
so good" to most people. Our world is aggressively pursuing sexual
pleasure. The following passage from Jeremiah sounds like our times.
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When
I had fed them to the full, they committed adultery and trooped
to the harlot's house. They were well-fed lusty horses, each
one neighing after his neighbor's wife. (NASB) Jeremiah 5:7-8 |
This is not a symptom of just one culture. It is result of man's sinfulness,
and everywhere men and women are located, sexual sin will be present.
But the sin is accelerating today since it is now openly accepted.
It
is not surprising that more and more Christian men and women are struggling
with guilt over sexual sin. We have wrongly accepted the world's concept
that sex before marriage and outside of marriage is okay. The effects
last a long time for a Christian even after confession. Yes, we are
forgiven but the memory never completely leaves. It only slowly dies.
I believe the memories are a form of God's discipline. That is the
message of the following passage.
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For
this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that
you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how
to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in
lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and
that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter
because the Lord is the avenger in all these things . . . For
God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.
(NASB) 1 Thess. 4:3-7 |
The
damage can also be physical if disease is involved.
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