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Bible Question: How
does one deal with a very negative person? I have a sister who is
the most negative person and hateful (I do not like using the word)
person I have ever known. She never has a nice comment to say, finds
fault with everything and everybody, and makes cruel and smart remarks
about everyone. I have talked to my Dad and he says that I am just
going to have to try and not be around her. He says that he is at
a loss as to why she this way. Occasionally, I have responded to her
comments as I feel that it is a waste of time, but I find myself drained
and under stress just being around her. Most of the family does not
want to deal with her. She has caused a lot of problems with the hateful
things she says. It seems that she enjoys it. What does one do from
God’s point of view? She talks a good game when she says that
she knows God. But how can one follow Christ and be so mean? Anything
will help.
Bible Answer: In
order to answer this question, we have assumed that your comments
are accurate. We also want to answer your question in two parts. First,
we want to see what scripture says about people who claim to be Christians
and yet act like non-Christians. Second, we want to know how God suggests
that we respond.
Reason For Conflict. Every Christian
wages a spiritual war between wanting to sin versus being holy. As
Christians spiritually grow, they find more and more victory over
sin in their lives. That is the message of 1 John 2:13-14,
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I
am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been
from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because
you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children,
because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers,
because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have
written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word
of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one. (NASB)
1 John 2:13-14 |
We
mature as Christians from spiritual children to spiritual young men
and then to spiritual fathers in the faith. The young man is having
increasing victory over sin, is strong and knows the Word of God.
The message is simple. Spiritual growth takes time and God is looking
for a pattern of life. God knows that there is a conflict within us
between the flesh and the Spirit (Gal. 5:16-23). The apostle Paul
had this to say about himself,
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. . . but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging
war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the
law of sin which is in my members. (NASB) Rom. 7:23 |
When God sees an area in our life that needs to change, He will start
working on us. He may bring suffering into our life as a reminder
to not sin (2 Cor. 12:6-7). He may simply guide us in our Bible study
or let us hear scripture from someone that encourages us to change
(2 Tim. 3:16-17). Or, He may discipline us (Heb. 12:3-12).
Yes, it is true that a person’s
conduct is a mark of the truthfulness of the claim that he/she is
a Christian. But Christians can also act like non-Christians. Only
God knows who is not a real Christian. He may just be working on them
and they may be suffering. In 1 Corinthians 1:2 Paul called the people
to whom he wrote the letter “saints” but then proceeded
to tell them what was wrong with them. They were doing a lot of sinning.
True Christians are sometimes unloving. When we are constantly this
way, God will start to discipline us. In fact, God may already be
doing that. It is common for young people to rebel against their parents
and against God in a number of different ways. When this happens,
God will work on all of these areas. He can make our life a “nightmare”
in order to change us. God wants every Christian to be holy.
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"YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.(NASB) 1 Pet. 1:16 |
That is His goal. God cares more about our holiness than about our
comfort. If He must, He will make our life more and more miserable
until we submit to His will. When God is working on one family member,
the entire family may suffer because that person is suffering and
not submitting. God uses these times to “spiritually grow the
rest of the family” in other ways. It is a time for us to love,
to comfort, and to be considerate one another. God may be working
on the entire family – some more than others. |
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