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Bible Question: What role should a husband take when his wife decides to leave him because she is monetarily unhappy? She is causing him to become hostile to her.
Bible Answer: From a human viewpoint, a person usually seeks divorce or separation because they feel alone and unsupported. These feelings have developed over time usually as a result of inconsiderate, unloving actions and attitudes in the marriage. The person seeks divorce or separation as an escape from someone they view as uncaring and inconsiderate. God has a different perspective. He says we seek divorce or separation because our heart has become hard.
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. . . “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. (NASB) Matthew 19:8 |
What does Jesus mean by a hard heart? Jesus illustrates one possible meaning in Mark 3:1-5 when He wanted to heal the hand of a man in a synagogue.
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And He entered again into a synagogue; and a man was there with a withered hand. And they were watching Him to see if He would heal him on the Sabbath, in order that they might accuse Him. And He said to the man with the withered hand, “Rise and come forward!” And He said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save a life or to kill?” But they kept silent. And after looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored. And the Pharisees went out and immediately began taking counsel with the Herodians against Him, as to how they might destroy Him. (NASB) Mark 3:1-6 |
The Pharisees did not want the man to be made physically well. They did not care that the man was hurting. They had a different agenda. Their theology was important to them. What we believe is important. But their theology was wrong and so were their hearts. They did not care if the man was happy and physically well. Their hearts were unloving, and selfish. The same is true in divorce and separation. Jesus says the one seeking divorce or separation has a hard heart - unforgiving, unloving, and selfish. In my counseling experience, I have discovered that both partners usually have a hard heart and one them finally cannot take it any longer.
When two people marry, they are both incompatible. It takes years of "yielding and giving" to each other to make a compatible marriage. We were born sinners. We married as sinners and sinners like things their own way. I have often heard, "I am not going to change. I have done all of the changing. Now it is her/his turn!" Those words reveal the heart of the speaker. God is not the center of that person's life. The marriage is over unless he or she realizes they will have to change for the relationship to succeed.
Financial Issues. Financial troubles are a major reason for divorce today. The movie industry and pornography magazines would have us believe that sex is the leading cause for divorce, but couples find that finances are often the major problem in marriage. Either personal needs or wants are not satisfied. Financial troubles develop for a variety of reasons. When finances are the source of conflict, honest questions need to be asked to understand the real problem and then compromise is required. From experience I found that some men spend the family money on liquor, automobiles, sports, stereo equipment, and so forth. These men either do not understand or ignore the needs of their wives and children. God has some serious words for this kind of husband.
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But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. (NASB) 1 Timothy 5:8 |
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