Bible Question:

I have friends who attend a church together with their family and the wife decided to leave the church. Should she leave even if the husband doesn't want her to do so? Where in scripture can we find this answer?

Bible Answer:

A common issue that occurs in marriages when only one spouse is a Christian or they attend different churches, is should they attend church together? Therefore, the question arises, “Should a wife attend church with her husband?” The answer is normally a wife should attend church together with her husband. Yet, there are three exceptions that are explained below.

Should a wife attend church with her husband?

The first exception is given to us in Revelation 2:20-23. It is about a false teacher in the ancient church in the city of Thyatira.

But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will throw her on a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. And I will kill her children with pestilence, and all the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts; and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds. Revelation 2:20-23 (NASB)

The false teacher was a woman named Jezebel, not to be confused with the Jezebel in the Old Testament. We are told that she had followers who attended her class and believed her false teaching. Today this could be the pastor of a church, a Sunday School class or a Bible study teacher.

The passage reveals that we are guilty for supporting a false teacher. We will be judged for supporting a false teacher. God warned the false teacher and her followers and gave them time to repent. Now God planned to kill the false teacher and her followers. The message is simple. A person must leave a church if the pastor is a false teacher. A person should also leave a church if the pastor is not faithfully teaching the Bible. A person must stop attending a class or a Bible study if the teacher teaches error, for God will judge those who attend.  But this assumes the attender to have a great grasp of Scripture so that the person can identify false teaching. This requires the person to have studied Scripture and know systematic theology.

Second, we must not attend the churches of cults such as the Mormons or Jehovah’s Witnesses, or of a false religion. Acts 4:19-21 and Acts 5:27-31 warns us that we must obey God when someone in authority over us tells us to do something contrary to God’s commands in Scripture. A wife should refuse to disobey the Lord. She should refuse to attend a church that is violating the teachings of Scripture.

Third, Ephesians 5:22  and 1 Peter 3:1-2 tell us that wives are to submit to their husbands.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 (NASB)

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NASB)

Both passages teach an important concept. A wife is to be submissive even when there is disagreement. This does not mean that the husband is the dictator. He should have an open and gracious discussion with his wife about any area of disagreement, but ultimately his decision is final when they disagree – unless to submit would force her to disobey a clear command of Scripture.

Notice that 1 Peter 3:1-2 also indicates that a wife must be submissive even if he disobeys God. Why? Because God can use her behavior to win the husband for Jesus Christ. She must be more concerned about him and his relationship with God than in having decisions go her way.

Conclusion:

God has established roles for both wives and husbands. The husband is commanded to love his wife and the wife is to submit to her husband. Yet, the answer to the question, “Should a wife attend church with her husband?” depends upon the situation, as we have discovered. Remember that devotion and obedience to God first, and then humility and forgiveness towards your spouse are essential for a happy marriage.

Suggested Links:

Searching For God
Is a layperson accountable to God for false teaching in his church?
What should a Christian wife do if her husband is not the head of the household?
What is the Biblical stand on a woman pastor and her submission to her husband?